How Healthy Are Your Boundaries? Take the Boundaries Quiz to Find Out
Sheila Burns - Refreshing Waters
If you feel guilty saying no, or anxious after you finally do, that’s not a moral failure — it’s often a signal.
Many people carry family rules, spiritual beliefs, or survival habits that make clear limits feel risky. This post is a short, practical place to notice those patterns and choose one small change.
Quick take
Boundaries protect your time, energy, and relationships — and they can be an expression of care, not selfishness.
This quiz is a mirror: it helps you notice patterns (physical, emotional, time/energy, relationships) so you can act on one small change.
Healing boundary patterns often connects with family histories and deeper beliefs — that’s normal and useful to name.
Why boundaries feel so hard (and why that matters)
In my twenty-plus years of practice I often see the same thread: people inherit rules about pleasing, protecting connection at all costs, or staying “nice” to avoid conflict.
Those patterns can come from family dynamics, past trauma, or spiritual messages that were meant for formation but became burdens.
Boundaries are not walls. They’re clarity-carrying structures that let relationships be honest without burning you out. When we treat boundary work as spiritual and practical — as stewardship of our energy — change becomes less shameful and more sustainable.
Take the short boundaries quiz
The quiz below is designed as a quick reflection across four domains. It’s not a test — it’s a place to notice where you give too much, avoid conflict, or protect yourself well.
What the quiz looks at
Physical: comfort with proximity and touch.
Emotional: whether you carry others’ feelings as your responsibility.
Time & Energy: how often you overcommit or protect focus.
Relationships: patterns across family, romance, friends, and work.
Make your results meaningful.
The quiz shows where your patterns live—physical, emotional, time, or relationships. Walk through your results with support and turn awareness into clear next steps.
After you complete the quiz you’ll be placed into one of three profiles based on which answer (A, B, or C) you selected most often. Use the expanded sections below to understand what each profile means, the likely patterns behind it, and practical next steps you can try this week. Each result contains short coaching moves and optional next steps (including a book link).
Healthy Boundaries — You regularly assert needs, protect time, and recover well.
What this signals: You tend to make choices that respect both your needs and others’. You can say “no” when necessary and accept reasonable pushback without losing your sense of self. Healthy boundaries aren’t perfection — they’re consistent practice.
Common strengths
You name limits clearly and briefly.
You recover from conflict without internalizing blame.
You protect regular rest and focused time.
Next micro-steps (this week)
Offer a brief boundary script to someone (e.g., “I can’t take that on right now; I can help next week.”).
Schedule one 30-minute unscheduled block and treat it as non-negotiable.
Notice one situation where you could be firmer and practice a shorter reply (no long apologetic explanations).
Keep strengthening what works.
Even when boundaries feel stable, small experiments deepen resilience. Consider a single coaching or therapy session to sharpen strategies for specific relationships.
Moderate Boundaries — You can hold limits sometimes, but guilt or context can pull you back.
What this signals: You have awareness and some skill, but old habits (guilt, pleasing, or role expectations) still influence certain contexts. Results often vary by relationship: firm with coworkers but fluid with family, or confident in public but anxious in private relationships.
Common friction points
You say “yes” sometimes out of habit, then resent it later.
You can name a limit but soften it under pressure.
You notice boundaries intellectually but struggle when emotions are high.
Next micro-steps (this week)
Use a delay script: “I’ll check my schedule and get back to you” to avoid instant yes/no reactions.
Pick one relationship where you tend to soften and practice one short, specific boundary there.
Journal one resentful moment and rewrite it as a boundary you could try next time.
Turn awareness into practice.
Moderation is a great place to grow—focused practice converts insight into habit. A few coaching sessions can help turn specific scripts into muscle memory.
Weak Boundaries — You tend to prioritize others, leading to exhaustion, resentment, or burnout.
What this signals: You routinely put others’ needs ahead of your own and may feel responsible for other people’s emotions or choices. This pattern commonly links to early family roles, survival strategies, or internalized messages about duty and worth.
Typical signs
Frequent automatic “yes” responses and difficulty saying no.
Chronic resentment or feeling emotionally drained after interactions.
A strong inner voice that labels boundary-setting as selfish or risky.
Next micro-steps (this week)
Start with a tiny boundary: one 15–30 minute block of protected time and one short refusal script (e.g., “I can’t this time, thanks for asking.”).
Name guilt when it appears: say to yourself, “I notice guilt — that’s information, not a command.”
If patterns feel entrenched, consider scheduling a therapy conversation to explore roots and build a stepwise plan.
Start where it feels smallest.
Changing long-standing patterns is slow work. Begin with tiny experiments and consider professional support to untangle family messages and build sustainable practice.
The quiz totals responses by category so you can spot where to start. The quiz uses a simple count: most “C” answers → Healthy Boundaries, most “B” answers → Moderate Boundaries, most “A” answers → Weak Boundaries. Look at the lowest-scoring domain within your detailed quiz breakdown and pick one small, specific behavior to practice this week.
Category
What a low score signals
Physical
Difficulty asserting personal space or saying no to touch/proximity
Emotional
Tendency to take on others’ emotions or over-responsibilize
Time & Energy
Chronic over-commitment or poor protection of focus and rest
Relationships
Recurring dynamics where roles are unclear or resented
Try this this week
Choose one micro-boundary: e.g., reply with “I’ll check my schedule” instead of an instant yes.
Protect a 30-minute focus block and treat it like a meeting.
When you feel guilt, name it: “I notice I feel guilty — what does that feeling want me to do?”
Signs your boundaries need care
Look for patterns rather than single moments. Common signals include:
Automatic “yes” even when you want to decline.
Frequent resentment after favors or conversations.
Feeling responsible for others’ moods or choices.
Avoiding saying what you need to keep peace.
Explore what’s coming up.
When old patterns surface, a grounded conversation can help you sort insight from overwhelm and choose your next small step with clarity.
Tracking moments when you feel drained gives you data. Write one line after a difficult interaction: what happened, how you felt, what you wished you’d said.
2. Use short, clear language
“I need” statements work: “I need evenings free this week” or “I can’t take that on right now”. No long explanations required.
3. Treat boundary-setting as practice
Start small. Each time you protect a limit, you strengthen a muscle. Healing is rarely linear; repetition matters more than perfection.
Quick checklist (one-minute self-scan)
I can say “no” without a long apology.
I protect at least one predictable quiet window daily.
I notice when I take on others’ emotions and can name it.
I ask for clarification about requests that feel urgent or unclear.
Boundaries show up differently across contexts. Notice where your score dips — that’s where work will feel most meaningful.
Family: Old roles and survival strategies often live here.
Romantic: Clarity supports trust and honest repair.
Work & Friends: Clear expectations keep roles manageable and respectful.
Next steps if the quiz stirs something
Awareness is the first step; working with someone can help you trace patterns back to their roots and practice new responses.
If your results landed on recurring family rules, trauma responses, or spiritual questions about care and duty, those are useful places to explore with support.
Walk it through with Sheila Renae Burns, LPC, CAADC
Sheila Renae Burns is the founder of Refreshing Waters Counseling & Consulting in Ann Arbor, MI. With over 20 years of clinical experience she blends trauma-focused work, faith-informed insight, and practical skills training. Sheila offers both in-person and telehealth sessions across Michigan.
What are personal boundaries, and why are they important?
Boundaries are limits that protect your well-being and relationships. Clear limits reduce resentment and help you show up with integrity and care.
How do I know if my boundaries are weak?
Common signs: guilt when you decline, chronic over-commitment, or feeling drained after interactions. The quiz highlights these patterns so you can choose a small change to practice.
How can I start improving emotional boundaries?
Notice your triggers, use brief “I” statements, and set limits on emotional labor. Practice small experiments — like offering a timed listening window — and notice how it lands.
Can faith shape boundary work?
Yes. Some people find boundary-setting aligns with spiritual values of stewardship and love. If spiritual beliefs complicate boundary work, that’s a helpful conversation to have in therapy.
author
Sheila Burns
I hold a Masters in Counseling, am a Licensed Professional Counselor, a Certified Advanced Alcohol and Drug Counselor, a Licensed Social Worker, and a Master Addiction Counselor. I have over 20 years of extensive experience with mental health and substance abuse issues such as trauma, anxiety, depression and relationship issues. I rely particularly on Evidence Based Treatments and Promising Practices, including Cognitive Behavioral Approaches (CBT), Dialectic Behavior Therapy (DBT), Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing (EMDR), Motivational Interviewing (MI), Mindfulness, Multi-systemic treatments, Insight Oriented and Solution Focused treatment modalities. I believe we are resilient beings that have the power to overcome many adversities, leading to a clearer, positive sense of self. I am deeply compassionate, non-judgmental, insightful, versatile, and have a solid sense of humor.
